DJing as a right-handed person.

Now before you drop the mic in disbelief and contempt towards any person that could ask such a ridiculous question, I beg that you consider the world that we live in. It is not so uncommon that people like to pigeon hole activities and jobs; as well as instruments and sports. We still live in a world where we like to segregate willy nilly.

I was raised and brought up in a wonderful world where I believed I could do anything  I wanted. In 1st year of my undergraduate degree I stumbled across in my mashed up and free willy state of the time the fit, fabulous and frivolous world of djing. It really was incredible, and I witnessed this guy play all his favourite songs, get everyone gassed and watched everyone pat him on the back, wide-eyed and with the force of twenty cars as if he’d made up that magical number. And he had, he’d used the bass of one song with the melody of another, and the music was so earth shatteringly happy (it was garage I later found out , soon to house some of my favourite dancing songs) that I swore I would inhabit it for myself.

It was at this moment I knew I wanted to be one, to stand up there and be the shit for an hour, whilst making everyone else feel like the shit for an hour- we’d all be the shit for an hour.

Who knew me being right-handed would draw so much attention? I kind of feel sorry for the lefties who just spun with emotionless accuracy, probably secretly feeding off the good vibes through their porous fingers or mini ear tentacles. Unless they were hot everyone just left them to it. When I get up, everyone wants to get involved.

“Omg you’re a right-handed Dj that’s sooo cool!!! You don’t see many right handed DJs there should be wayyy more”

Fellow right-handers would tell me they wanted to DJ but when I encouraged them to  most said maybe and I don’t think they did.

All the attention was fun for a while; I was representing the right-handed community by doing something they could do as well, but hey I figured, I got there first. Safe. Maybe they thought only lefties could play because that’s all they’d seen. I tried to tell them it doesn’t really matter which hand is your stronger hand, it’s just pushing a circle and twiddling some knobs.

I measured my hands. I couldn’t see an obvious winner. A time went by when I’d Dj with each hand for 10 mins each, but I just ended up getting confused and paying more attention to which hand was doing what, so I’d let a loop play for 20 minutes and have to echo it out on a save.

I don’t think the rats noticed.

It got strange over the next few years, I wasn’t allowed into Parklife because the guy didn’t trust me that I was DJIng. I think he could see me holding my headphones with my right hand.

Then this guy came in my age, with all his mates with this big shirt saying ‘Leftie & Proud’ and the guy let him in. It took another right-handed security guard to come and knock him over the head and let me in.

Then I was djing at 02:31, in the Butterz room, and a mixed up geezer said I was hot but hotter because I was a right-handed DJ. I felt sorry for all my right-handed mates who didn’t know all they had to do was learn to mix to get a date with this runny nosed, skinny, white polo-nosed stud.

So, if you’re right-handed and want a bit of easy attention, learn to mix. But do it quick, because when people finally clock that being right-handed makes no difference to being left-handed in djing, the world will move on. But I’m sure then we can find something else that’s totally normal if a leftie does it but totally amazing if a right-hander does it. Sometimes I pity lefities, I really do. What chance do they have of impressing anybody?


Published by toobusytowrite

My page is called “too busy to write” because we all think we are. Where you’ve been and who you’ve met may be nothing but something to fall asleep on now, but in 40 odd years they will be the stuff you try and remember.

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